He left after New Years, and I thought I handled it pretty well. Yes, we cried together...but we were also eachother's support and guide. Love is selfish, and knowing we couldnt have eachother, still wished the very best for one another...even if it means you with someone else

I didnt realize it was taking a toll on me physically...everyone noticed, but no one knows. I've been told the following:

"You just look so lost, did you not sleep last night?" I havent slept in days

"I dunno..you just look so aimless" I've lost all aim

"Just a while ago you were glowing and floating, now you just seem drained" and im still draining

I'm not sure if I love him or not. Wait..I do love him, but the word love is so overused that it just doesnt fit what i feel for him. I am in love with him..and I know that had time been our side, and if we had gotten officially together, it would be a relationship to last a lifetime. I miss him so much..more then you know, even though my days are still packed and busy, when my head hits the pillow he's all i see, his words are all i hear..and i lay there, restless, most times im even too tired to cry. Yet the tears still roll..all i wanted was to tell him that i love him. that he's an amazing person and i would never forget him.

i might have said this before..but he is the very first real, intimate, connected relationship i have. Why? because no physical was involved at all. no physical at all, there was no that barrier that made us THINK we feel for eachother, it was strictly my heart to his. and it connected...

To him:

Thank for the best 6 months ever, thank you for loving me and giving me back my confidence, thanks for looking into my heart...and finding your place in it perfectly. I know I promised you i wouldnt cry, and that i will be okay, and i will be okay..but you deserve my tears because it was a loss i may never regain.

"No man is worth your tears, and the one who is, wont make you cry"

^--- That's so untrue..in so many ways, you deserve all the tears, all the pain, all the heart ache.

Now, you go your way, and i'll go mine...live your life...and i'll live mine, and never will you be forgotten

theres plenty of dust to wipe off in this blog...but ill be updating soon, because SO much has happened/is happening its quite insane..i'm overwhelmed (maybe the good kind tho ;p ) anyways ill update soon!

take care all

ahh...wake me up when september ends, it's been a roller coaster of a summer. If i could sum it up in a few words, i'd say isappointments and heartbreak. I went out of town alot (alot... ) met some great people but i didnt get to go overseas or much of the plans we had.

In greattt news though, I met a muslim convert this summer! it's so nice to meet someone who is in the same boat as you. Though my family and friends took it so well in the beginning, it's like they assumed i'd "grow out of it" or "get over it" so they are just realizing that i'm serious. I am serious, and i won't give up or give in, this is for me, i know it is truth and i'll fight for it and try to be strong till the end. My friends are very supportive, we just tend to get into heated debates a lot. Of course it doesnt help that the media only gives negative images of Islam and Muslims. I say the problem is Muslims, not Islam. Because i study, and fall in love with it more and more...then i look at the actions of some muslim and it confuses me. So, i decided i won't follow the crowd and study on my own.

So, a summer of cottages and randomly seeking small towns to raid. It was fun though...we also went to Napanee (Avril Lavigne's home town) my high school had more people prolly ;p small towns are funny, there's only one of everything (one hair salon, one arcade, one grocery store) and the first thing we look for is "AH they don't have wal-mart or GT"

*sigh* ah well, im actually exicted for this school year and im planning to be really focused this year on things that are important to me.

hope everyone had a great & safe summer! Leah i miss you, i have lots of catching up to do

Whats up all!

I'm back from a few road trips, it's all been good fun. Hope you all are enjoying yourself, i might get going overseas by the end of June, pray for me! I'm totally exicted.

Painful news: Jayden/Josh, my lil babies are leaving once again. It really sucks, but my bro got a really good job overseas and its quite an important position. It's weird how things work out...

I'm doing mighty fine, have a few new friends and the old gold ones! I've met lots of people from going around and i am thankful to God for all that I have.

I'm gonna get going...much love\

shoutout to my baby Leah I misss you girl! btw I saw someone on the bus who looked so much lik you, my heart sank! but her eyes were blue ill tell ya youre brown sexy eyes are much hotter, love you babe

Peace & love, in God's name